If you are making choices that stretch you out of your comfort zone or go against the status quo you should expect fear to bubble up. It’s normal and human.
But how do you deal with the confusion, doubt, anxiety, frustration, impatience in a way that empowers you to make wise choices?
And how do you get past it to find the wisdom that will actually guide you to making the wise and aligned choice for you?
The truth is... that most of us were not taught how to work with the mental, emotional, physical, and energetic responses and reactions our bodies, minds, hearts and psyches have when we make choices that stretch us, or trigger past trauma, hurt or suffering.
But ...when you know how to work with both the parts of you that react from fear and past trauma or cultural or familial imprints AND the part of you connected to your true soul design and heart desires, you have the super power to elevate out of the doubt and confusion, into an inner knowing that empowers you to take action.
Here are a few things to consider and put into action when you find yourself in confusion or doubt:
- Feel the feels before forming thoughts or making choices. You must give yourself the space to feel your emotion before you can find the path to the wise choice. Otherwise the underlying emotions of fear, shame, judgement, etc will taint and cloud up your thoughts. To access your feelings, all you need to do is slow down, put your hand on your heart and belly, and ask “What am I feeling?” Take several deep breaths to drop into your emotional body. And see what emerges. Feelings don’t come from your mind, they live in the body.
- When you stretch out of your comfort zone, embrace that it’s normal to have fear, doubt and confusion. Don’t judge yourself for the fear or doubt, or waste energy thinking that something is ‘wrong’ with you. Instead, embrace that these feelings are just part of the decision making process.
- Confusion is usually a sign that you are pushing for an answer before one is ready to emerge. Making wise choices takes time, just does. When we push to come to an answer faster that is really in divine timing, we create confusion in our minds and as a result emotions like frustration and anxiety in our emotional bodies.
- Your heart is your power center for making wise choices. Your intellect is a sorter that helps put things into order once you know where you are headed. The wisdom byte: Follow your heart really is sage wisdom for decision making. But you have to know how to talk to your heart and access its guidance.
Here’s a few tips on how to discern whether or not your heart is full of fear, shame or judgment (which is the voice of your inner critic or traumatic imprints, don’t follow this!) or what I call loving truth (which is the voice of your inner wisdom, do listen to this.)
- Heart wisdom feels grounded not like you are grasping.
- Heart wisdom can feel like a stretch that will create some stress but never like a stretch that will cause distress.
- Heart wisdom supports you to be sustained in the now and catalyzes you to step into the future.
- When you are tuned into your heart wisdom, you will hear/know the guidance of your inner wisdom within 10 seconds or less. If your mind is playing mental ping pong constantly volleying options around or on an obsessive search for the answer by searching online or accumulating information, you are not in your wisdom zone.
There is so much to share about making wise choices – it is an art, a practice and path. I found myself that even as an MBA I was not really educated to make wise choices. Choices informed by data or history or other people’s ideals, yes. But not choices that were informed by my deeper internal knowing or truth, or a more expansive possibility or that left room for synchronicity and imagination.
So over the past 20 years, I’ve created processes and then written books and now teach others the principles and practices for making wise, soul-aligned choices for themselves, those they lead and guide and the systems and organizations they work within.
I’ll end this article today with one decision making ‘game’ from my book Overwhelmed and Over It, which I teach and play that will help you feel the wisdom you have and also be more comfortable stepping into the unknown. And then a resource to go deeper, a podcast series I did on Making Wise Choices.
Making Wise Choices Game:
Ask yourself these questions or ask a friend to run you through them and then do the same for them.
- What is one choice point you are standing at?
- What do you know?
- What is in the mystery?
- What support do you need to make a wise choice?
To go deeper and learn more wisdom and practices for making wise choices that guide you to stay true to yourself and create a sustainable, support path forward, tune into the Making Wise Choices series on my Feminine Power Time Podcast – episodes 99-101.
Christine Arylo, MBA, is the author of Overwhelmed and Over It. As a transformational leadership advisor, three-time bestselling author, and host of the popular Feminine Power Time podcast, she is recognized worldwide for her work helping women to make shift happen — in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the world they wish to create. Arylo offers trainings, retreats and workshops globally. Visit her online at http://www.christinearylo.com or tune into her podcast www.FemininePowerTime.com. Connect more with Christine and her community at www.femininewisdomcafe.com.
Image courtesy of MART PRODUCTION.