If we stare long and hard at fear, we may soon believe it. Unless we’re aware. Unless we realize where our eyes go, then so do our feet. Fear can devour us, spit us out and leave us wondering why we try at all.
Fear is also nuanced. There are different types. It’s not all whole milk. We got skim, 1%, almond, and 100 other non-dairy types. This is what I dive into on today’s episode. Not milk, but the nature and subsets of our fear, which is a common killer of our dreams.
I was holding back and I knew it. I was staring fear #1 in the face.
Fear #1 is where we’re afraid that a negative experience is going to repeat itself.
The distinction here is that what we fear probably will repeat itself because we’ve been shown the nature of this person, place, or situation. And all roads point to yep, they’re going to go do this thing we fear most, again.
This fear grows on the backside of hope the outcome will be changed without the inner nature of the person, place, or situation changing. Its cousin is denial. It’s where we believe untrustworthy people and fear them breaking our trust again.
Fear #1 is built on death traps for sensitive dreamers and creatives with a higher purpose.
It consists of self-sacrifice, dependency, and white-knuckling it. This will quickly drain you of your life force. It’s a crowd favorite to stop your dreams in their tracks.
I have so much compassion for myself and for every single person who has ever sat in and through situations that tear at your insides, tug at your heart and pull at your gut. Gripping the metaphorical table, your knuckles now pale from the holding on, you brave it.
Because the thought of disappointment, loss, of a repeating situation, is too great.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
You have other options, even if you don’t yet see or feel them, and you’re justified in leaving and/or altering the nature of these dynamics.
Knowing you’re experiencing fear #1 points to new ways of being that both acknowledge the realness of your current fear. And then subsequently allows you to change your mind like we spoke about in last week’s episode, and take even better care of yourself.
Remember, you’re here to create magic and that magic depends on your health and well-being.
Fear #2 is where the ghosts of Christmas past haunt us unnecessarily so.
In this scenario, we believe we’re experiencing fear #1 due to years of mistrust. We just aren’t sure yet what’s in front of us.
Until we lean in, we can’t be sure, can we? Fear #2 is the kind of fear coaches frequently tell you to lean into as a roadmap.
I have a new suggestion, which is a lesson I’ve just now learned post-recording.
Fear of either form is discerned by getting closer and taking a deeper look. What marks the difference between fear #1 and #2 is:
- How well you’re protected.
- The pace at which you allow yourself to reveal the nature of the fear (e.g. no rush)
- and then how discerning you are.
Name the fear you’re in and you’ll know which tools are best leveraged to navigate forward.
Thanks for being here. Share this with your three of your friends. They’re going to love it!
P.S. Question to consider: After you listen to the podcast, pick a defining moment in your life where you felt scared. Ask yourself: which fear were you experiencing? Type 1 or type 2? And what would you do differently today knowing what you know now?
Lalita Ballesteros is a speaker, comedian, director, and the founder of Haus of Lala, a creative agency specializing in personal branding. She stands by the belief that your voice matters and that authentic self-expression is our most important work. In the past, Lalita’s disrupted the publishing industry with Seth Godin and The Domino Project (powered by Amazon) creating six best-sellers and raising over a quarter million in revenue in only four months. She also worked at the American Embassy in Rome, created a 6-figure Airbnb business, and oversaw ambassador efforts at Lyft. She speaks three languages and is a regular contributor for Positively Positive, a publication with over 2.5 million followers on Facebook. Lalita’s been seen on the stages of TEDx and Comedy Bary as well as in the pages of Fast Company, Etsy, Forbes, Yahoo Small Business, Mashable, and the best-selling book End Malaria. She currently lives in Toronto with her dog, Luna. Follow her writings and comedy here and #100daysofcomedy here.
Image courtesy of SHVETS production.