Author: 5pints

How to Write a Successful College Essay

Write a College Essay

Pin

An essay is now a standard part of education. It can be used to pass entrance exams or for home assignments.

Students in college are required to write essays in Literature, History, Physics, and in other subjects. While you think it might be boring, you can always use essay help at StudyCrumb and make sure that your paper is flawless and actually written in time.

But what if you want to write it yourself? How do you make it stand out? We prepared some useful tips for you so you could find your answer!

Get Started with an Outline

Before writing an academic essay, understanding the importance of your topic is key. You must create an argument to narrow down your essay.
This argument can be used to create a basic outline.

In an academic essay’s structure, these elements must be present:

  • Include a thesis in your introductory paragraph;
  • Tie all facts together in your conclusion;
  • Connect your outline with your thesis.

An essay should contain at least three strong points that support your thesis. External academic resources can be used to improve the credibility of your essay.

Double-Check Basic Style, Grammar, and Punctuation

To write flawless essays you must be able to comprehend grammar, punctuation and style. These elements are essential for creating a complete document. A solid knowledge of grammar and sentence structure is essential.

The grammar basics Include a subject-verb agreement, pronoun usage, and correct sentence structures. Learn the exact uses of common punctuation forms! Use a comma or period with care to make your document more understandable.

Academic writing requires that you pay attention to your voice. Active voice is preferred to passive voice.

You should write “research proven” instead of “it was proven by research”. This can make your essay more compelling.

Avoid using transition words and use concise language. Don’t use unnecessary words. This can weaken your argument.

Pay Attention to the Right Vocabulary

It is important to use strong and impressive language in essays. Use intellectual arguments to convince your readers.

To sound smart and intelligent, you shouldn’t use large words. You may experience opposite results.

Keep in mind, readers can detect overcompensation in writing. You should not write a word if you aren’t sure what it means. This will reduce the chance of using incorrect words.

The clarity of your argument may be affected by the use of unclear language. This fact should be considered before you make any decisions. Keep vocabularies like Thesaurus handy.

It is not enough to choose a word just because it looks nice. A wrong word can change the meaning of a sentence.

Understand Your Arguments

Understanding the argument is key to writing an essay. This will allow you to critically analyze the evidence. Sometimes, side notes can reduce the effectiveness of the system. Conciseness in your documents.

You must critically analyze the evidence before you add it to your essay. It is important to verify that the thesis can be supported by it. Every unsupported evidence should be excluded.

Make sure that your essay has a strong connection to your topic and argument before you add anything.

Write a Conclusion

It is often overlooked that academic essays end with a conclusion. Remember that a conclusion must support your thesis and your research together.

Copying a section of your thesis is not allowed. It must not be a rewrite of the introduction. A strong conclusion can help you outline the main points of evidence in an academic essay.

Focus Your AttentionPin

Discover How to Focus Your Mind and Increase Your Attention Span

You can improve your concentration skills and focus on whatever you do!Get the eBook

Afraid You Are a Fraud? Take a Reality Check to Crush Imposter Syndrome


Albert Einstein, famously said: “the exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”

Maya Angelou, humbly acknowledged: “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, openly admits: “There are still days when I wake up feeling like a fraud, not sure I should be where I am.”

The term imposter syndrome relates to self-doubt and the fear of being discovered as a fraud. Typically, it’s about career insecurity, but you could worry you aren’t good enough to fulfill roles like being a parent or student too.

People with imposter syndrome imagine others will find out they’re incompetent and the humiliation will be tantamount to social death. They think they’re viewed as more capable than they are and don’t deserve their status. The thought of being outed mortifies them. If you suffer from imposter syndrome, a reality check can help you gain perspective.

Reality Check

Reign in your doubt. Everybody worries they aren’t up to par occasionally. Self-evaluation is part of being human. Also, if your fears are about an unfamiliar experience, like being a parent for the first time, recognize everyone’s been in your shoes. You may have intellectual know-how, but until you gain experience from practice, you can’t expect to achieve brilliant results. Being a rookie doesn’t mean you are an imposter.

You Got Where You Are for a Reason

Imposter syndrome might make you feel like your success stems from good fortune or is a mistake. But people make their own luck. You got where you are because you’re the right person for the job, and if your fears relate to anything other than your career, the same applies.

It’s Okay to Make Mistakes

Even experts make mistakes. Part of the reason they become authorities stems from having the courage to fall flat on their faces and the resolve to get back up again. They learn from blunders and their competence grows.

If you have imposter syndrome, no doubt, you worry about getting things wrong. You don’t want anyone to witness your errors because you think they will judge you harshly. The chances are they won’t make your gaffes into a big deal, however, if you admit your mistakes and don’t emphasize them.

Honesty can quell other misgivings, too. Imposter syndrome may make you want to hide your struggles or blunders, but it’s fine to admit you don’t have answers. You can always expand your know-how, and lack of it doesn’t mean you’re incapable. Your value arises from a combination of your skills, knowledge, and personality traits that grow.

If It Feels Easy, That’s Because You Know What You’re Doing

People with imposter syndrome sometimes worry when tasks are easy. Thoughts like, “I must have missed something” ruin their well-being. It might help to know it’s just as normal to feel concerned when things go well as when problems arise if you have imposter syndrome. Even business moguls aren’t immune to self-doubt when their jobs seem too simple. So remember, setbacks often have nothing to do with your professionalism or competence.

You Need Not Prove Yourself

Imposter syndrome often turns sufferers into perfectionists. You might aim to prove yourself and do far more than is necessary. It helps to notice, no matter your successes, the fear you are a fraud lingers. You can’t make it go away by working longer hours or getting more done.

Nor can accolades or other accomplishments lower the notion you’re an imposter. The way to get rid of fear is to work on your self-esteem, not struggle to show people you are worthy. You need to recognize you are valuable.

Procrastination Won’t Reduce the Fear You Are a Fake

Many people with imposter syndrome put off important tasks and projects. You might be so fearful of screwing up that you procrastinate. For a short while, putting off jobs gives you respite. But the sense of relief doesn’t last. Procrastinating makes matters worse because you have to rush to get things done at the last minute.

Comparing Yourself to Others Fuels Imposter Syndrome

If you have imposter syndrome, it’s likely you compare yourself to people you think are better than you. You check out their performance, popularity, attractiveness and other attributes and come off worse. You can’t gauge your worth when you compare yourself though, because you and your gifts are unique.

It’s Time to Expand

Imposter syndrome makes people shrink. You may hide your gifts because you don’t recognize them. When you do your best to emulate other people’s abilities, your strengths fall by the wayside. Rather than shrink and hide, it’s time to shine and expand.

You can reduce imposter syndrome by bringing your gifts to the fore. Show your strengths instead of aiming to copy other people’s. If you aren’t sure what your gifts are, consider what you love to do or would do if you had more confidence.

Are you a wonderful artist? Or a storyteller? Are you empathic? Kind? Organized? Fabulous with numbers? Identify your strengths. Jot them in a journal, and refer to them when imposter syndrome strikes, and vow to use them more in the roles you undertake. Practice them and your well-being will expand.

Don’t let imposter syndrome reduce your personal power. Take a reality check. Recognize most people suffer from self-doubt at times, and you got where you are in life because of your competence. Expand your personal power and use your gifts, then let self-worth seep into your psyche.


George J. Ziogas is an HR Consultant with 15+ years of experience across a number of industries with a specialization in Occupational Health and Safety (OHS). He is a qualified vocational instructor/teacher and personal trainer. George is also a blogger and top writer in numerous categories/tags on Medium. He speaks several languages (English, Greek, Macedonian), and enjoys working out/keeping fit, music, reading, and traveling. He is married and lives in the beautiful Southern Highlands of New South Wales.

Image courtesy of Min An.

Listen Again: Revitalize

Original broadcast date: April 9, 2021. After an exhausting year for everyone, how can we bring what’s been dormant back to life? This hour, TED speakers explore ways to revitalize our minds, bodies, buildings—and even populations. Guests include psychologist Guy Winch, visual artist Amanda Williams, biophysicist Andrew Pelling, and writer Wajahat Ali.

The Psychology of Jealousy: Why You Get Jealous and How to Handle It in a Healthy Way


Jealousy is one of those “icky” emotions where it feels gross or wrong simply to feel it in the first place.

Unfortunately, this sense of disgust or shame we feel about feeling jealous is exactly the thing that makes jealousy such a difficult emotion to manage effectively.

In the rest of this guide, I’m going to walk you through the psychology of jealousy—showing you a more helpful way to think about what jealousy is and how it really works.

We’ll end with some practical suggestions for how to manage jealousy in your own life in a healthy way.

What Is Jealousy, Exactly?

The standard dictionary definition of jealousy is something like this:

Feeling resentment because of another’s success or advantages.

Now, this is an okay definition, but I think it misses some psychological nuance…

1. Resentment isn’t quite right…

Resentment is close, but I think feeling jealous is really its own distinct emotion.

Part of the problem with resentment as a proxy for jealousy is that typically resentment happens as a result of being wronged in some way—and as such is closer to the anger family of emotion.

And while there’s definitely some of this anger element in jealousy, it’s my experience that when you really reflect on it, jealousy is more closely related to sadness and fear—that is, it tends to be a response to a perceived or threatened loss or inadequacy (more on this later).

2. It’s more about you than them.

This standard definition of jealousy makes it seem like it’s all about what the other person possesses. In reality, I think jealousy is a much more inward-focused emotion—as if another person’s success or value is a reminder of an inadequacy or fear within us.

3. Jealousy isn’t just a feeling.

We’ll talk a lot more about this in the next section, but one of the biggest problems with most definitions of jealousy and the way most of us think about jealousy is that it’s framed purely as an emotion.

But I think there’s often a lot more to jealousy than just the feeling… Specifically, jealousy usually involves both patterns of thinking and behavior that are important.

Because that last point is so important for how to actually manage your jealousy, let’s take a closer look into this distinction between feeling jealous vs acting jealous.

Feeling jealous vs acting jealous

For most of us, it’s pretty obvious when we’re feeling jealous:

  • You catch your boyfriend chatting with a member of the opposite sex and feel a little surge of jealousy.
  • You listen as your best friend describes the big promotion they got (and corresponding pay increase) and feel a spike of jealousy.
  • You notice how fit and muscular the person on the treadmill next to you at the gym is and feel jealous.

What’s less obvious, is what happens after that initial feeling of jealousy…

We almost always end up acting jealous immediately after feeling jealous.

Of course, this acting out of our jealousy is usually subtle and mostly invisible to other people. And it tends to come in two forms:

  1. Jealous thinking
  2. Jealous behavior

Jealous thinking is what your mind usually does after feeling jealous:

  • You start imagining how your boyfriend might secretly be having an affair because they’re over you and trying to get out of the relationship.
  • You start going through scenarios in your head of why your friend doesn’t really deserve the promotion nearly as much as you do.
  • You tell yourself that you’d be that fit too if you were young and single and actually had time to exercise regularly.

In other words, jealous thinking is the story you tell yourself when you feel jealous.

This matters because—as we’ll discuss later on—one of the things that make our jealousy both more intense and long-lasting is the story we tell ourselves about it and as a result of it.

In other words, people who have a more general tendency to worry and ruminate, are much more likely to act out their jealousy (if only in their own mind).

Jealous, behavior, on the other hand, is what we physically do in response to feeling jealous:

  • You start flirting with someone at the party yourself as a way to get your boyfriend’s attention or “make him pay.”
  • You start communicating in a passive-aggressive way with your friend any time the topic of work or your jobs come up.
  • You stop working out because being around fit people triggers painful feelings in you.

Jealous behavior is what you do—consciously or not—in response to feeling jealous.

Becoming more aware of our jealous behavior is critical because it can easily lead to self-sabotage and other destructive patterns.

Before we move on to some tips and strategies for dealing with our jealousy in a healthy way, we need to talk a little bit about where jealousy comes from.

Because you can’t respond to jealousy in a healthy way if you don’t understand its function or what it’s trying to do.

What causes jealousy?

If you want to understand how jealousy actually works, and how to work with it most effectively, you need to realize one crucial concept…

Jealousy is a natural reaction to real or threatened loss.

Okay, there’s a lot in that statement, so let’s unpack it a bit…

1. Jealousy is a natural reaction…

It’s critical that you see jealousy as a natural emotion and not something inherently bad or defective. Just like it’s natural to feel fear when we’re threatened or angry when an injustice has been committed, it’s natural to feel jealous sometimes too.

While jealousy is natural in the sense of being normal, it’s also natural in that it’s useful—or at least trying to be. Just like anger properly channeled is a useful way to correct injustice, jealousy can also be useful. More on this in a minute…

2. …To real or threatened loss.

Let’s work backward here… Jealousy is about loss. Now, this might sound counterintuitive at first, but bear with me.

When we see something good or valuable that someone else has and our focus is on that thing itself and that other person, our reaction is more like admiration, wonder, etc. Jealousy comes in when we start comparing what other people have to what we lack. So at a fundamental level, jealousy is about something we feel like we don’t possess but should.

Here’s an example to illustrate:

If you’re already a top manager in your company, and you see a low-level intern work hard and get their first promotion, it’s unlikely that you’ll feel jealous because what they have is something you already possess. You’re not losing anything or reminded of something you lack. Of course, you still might feel threatened, for example, but that’s a different thing.

Jealousy always involves comparison. And at the end of the day, it’s about what you value but lack (or are afraid of lacking).

Side Note: An interesting implication of this way of looking at jealousy, btw, is that jealousy is often a good indicator of what we value. Two jealousy researchers, Vilayanur Ramachandran and Baland Jalal, have argued that “what you really value in life is more often revealed by asking yourself who you are jealous of rather than asking yourself directly ‘what do I value.’” This is another sense in which even though jealousy feels bad, it could—with the right perspective—be a useful tool to accomplish something productive like getting to know your values.

The big takeaway from all this is pretty straightforward:

Jealousy is a very understandable reaction to realizing that you’re lacking something (or are at risk of losing something) valuable.

From this perspective, then, jealousy isn’t just another “negative emotion” to try and get rid of. It’s a valuable signal reminding you of what really matters to you and the potential risk of losing it or not possessing it.

Of course, like any emotion, the message it contains isn’t necessarily accurate…

For example:

You might be completely secure in your romantic relationship and still feel a little jealous when your partner does something that looks flirty to you. That little spike of jealousy might just be the result of your misinterpretation of what’s going on, in which case it’s not necessarily helpful.

The bigger point is this:

Jealousy will always feel uncomfortable. But if you use it as a way to consider your values, it can become constructive rather than destructive.

Jealousy can remind you of what you really value and help motivate you to move toward it, achieve it, or hold on to it if it’s something you already possess.

How to Deal with Jealousy in a Healthy Way: 5 Practical Suggestions

In the previous section, there were two key points that we should remember because all of the recommendations I’m going to give about dealing with jealousy are based on them:

  1. Just because jealousy feels bad, doesn’t mean it is a bad thing. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Everybody experiences it sometimes. And there are often good reasons for feeling that way.
  2. Feeling jealous is different than acting jealous. Whether you feel jealous or not isn’t something you have direct control over. But you can control how you think and how you behave while you feel jealous or in response to it.

With those two core principles in mind, let’s jump into some practical suggestions for how to manage jealousy in a healthy and effective way.

1. Validate your jealousy

Emotional validation is a complicated-sounding idea that’s actually very straightforward…

Emotional validation means acknowledging how you feel and reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel that way—however painful or uncomfortable.

What really gets people into trouble with jealousy is that their starting assumption is that it’s not okay for them to feel jealous.

The problem is, when you start judging your jealousy (and yourself for feeling it) you add a second layer of painful emotions on top of an already difficult feeling:

  • When you judge yourself for feeling jealousy, you now feel guilty or ashamed and jealous.
  • When you tell yourself it’s bad that you feel jealous, now you feel anxious and jealous.
  • When you criticize yourself for feeling jealous, now you feel angry and jealous.

And the more painful emotion you pile on top of yourself, the more pressure you’re going to feel to do something quickly to feel better.

Unfortunately, these quick fixes for feeling better, often tap into our worst instincts and end up as self-sabotage…

  • Because you’re so ashamed of how you’re feeling, you lash out critically at someone else in order to very briefly make yourself feel powerful and justified.
  • You’re so afraid of being perceived as jealous, that you never speak up assertively about what’s bothering you.
  • You’re so angry that you end up acting out aggressively and saying or doing something hurtful and damaging to someone you love.

In short, it’s very easy to be judgmental of ourselves for feeling jealous, but when we do this, it only adds more pressure to the system. And more often than not, this pressure comes out in unhelpful ways.

Which brings us back to validation…

Emotional validation is like a pressure release valve for your emotions. When we feel bad, simply acknowledging those difficult feelings and reminding ourselves that it’s okay to feel that way takes an enormous amount of emotional pressure off of ourselves.

And when we don’t feel as pressured, it’s much easier to tolerate those difficult jealous feelings and respond in a way that’s helpful rather than destructive.

Summary: The first step in managing your jealousy in a healthy way is to validate it. Acknowledge that you’re feeling jealous and remind yourself that however much you dislike feeling that way, it doesn’t mean the feeling is bad or you are bad for feeling it.

2. Look for other emotions “behind” your jealousy

Most people, when asked to describe how they’re feeling, typically respond with one, single feeling:

  • I’m really anxious
  • I’m mad
  • I feel pretty sad

The thing is, it’s actually rare to only experience one single emotion at a time.

Far more often, we’re actually experiencing a range of different emotions at any given point. And while there’s usually one dominant “loud” emotion, it’s a mistake to assume that it’s the only one—or the only important one.

When it comes to feeling jealous, it’s easy to get fixated on jealousy and ignore the other “quieter” emotions behind it. Unfortunately, ignoring these other emotions can be a mistake because often they’re trying to tell us something valuable…

For example:

  • You’re at a party with your girlfriend and notice her talking with another guy. You instantly start to feel jealous.
  • But when you stop and consider how else you’re feeling, you realize you’re feeling a little sad too.
  • Upon further reflection, you realize that your sadness has to do with the fact that your girlfriend is very socially confident and finds it easy to talk with new people. But for you, this is hard. And you feel sad and disappointed that parties are so much more difficult for you to navigate.

Acknowledging the sadness behind your jealousy is important because it gives you another way of thinking about how you could respond.

Here’s how it might play out:

  • Instead of responding to your jealousy (which may or may not be an accurate reflection of what’s going on) and confronting your girlfriend about it, you could validate the jealousy, and then react constructively to your sadness and disappointment at not being very social at parties instead.
  • Specifically, you could try and strike up a conversation with someone and address your need for social connection.

Of course, it’s perfectly possible that your jealousy happened because your girlfriend is being inappropriately flirtatious with someone else. In which case, confronting her about it may in fact be the best action.

But, if there’s a good chance that’s not actually what’s going on, then acting on your jealousy (either mentally or behaviorally) is unlikely to be helpful. And very possibly could lead to you feeling worse and then doing something regrettable as a result.

On the other hand, when you take a moment to explore the other emotions behind the jealousy, you give yourself options for other ways to react. And many of these options could be far more helpful than reacting to the jealousy impulsively.

If you want to learn more about building emotional self-awareness, I run a course called Mood Mastery which includes a deep dive on this very topic and similar skills in emotional intelligence.

3. Write down your jealousy story

Without a doubt, the biggest reason people struggle with their jealousy is because they ruminate on it.

Rumination is a form of unhelpful negative thinking. It usually involves dwelling on upsetting topics you don’t have control over—replaying them or elaborating on them in your mind over and over again.

When people first feel jealous, often their instinct is to think more about it—analyze it, elaborate on it, judge it, etc. But one of the problems with this is that the more you focus on your jealousy, the bigger and more long-lasting it’s going to become.

On the other hand, if you can avoid ruminating on your jealousy, it’s much more likely to fade out rather quickly (most emotions—jealousy included—dissipate surprisingly quickly when we stop amplifying them by thinking and attending to them).

Of course, sometimes it is good to think about your jealousy, the situation that provoked it, what you want to do in response, etc.

So the dilemma here is how to think about your jealousy in a way that’s helpful and productive instead of simply stewing on and ruminating unhelpfully.

In my experience, the best way to ensure that your thinking is accurate and constructive rather than biased and destructive is to do it on paper.

  • For one thing, you can’t write nearly as fast as you can think. When you write down your jealousy story—what happened, what you think it means, what you ought to do, if anything—you’ll do it more slowly and intentionally.
  • It’s also a lot easier to get a balanced and realistic perspective on your story when it’s literally in front of you in writing. You’ll notice blatant exaggerations, irrational conclusions, and the like much more easily when your thoughts are written down slowly rather than speeding through your mind.

So, when you find yourself feeling jealous, and you decide it’s worth reflecting on more analytically, try to do it on paper rather than in your head.

Because remember:

For better or worse, your thoughts will determine how intensely you feel and for how long.

If you would like to feel less jealous, take control over your jealous story and make sure it’s as accurate and balanced as possible. Writing it down is a good place to start.

If you’re interested in learning more about how changing your thinking can change the way you feel, this guide on changing negative thinking might be helpful.

4. Clarify your values

Ironically, the most difficult part of jealousy isn’t the feeling itself but how we respond to it:

  • The hours of mental rumination and stewing about the person your’re jealous of. And all the extra jealousy, anger, anxiety, and other emotion that goes along with it.
  • The reactive and impulse decisions we make the instant we feel jealous that so often end up hurting both ourselves and other people.
  • Or sometimes our avoidance and suppression of jealousy allows bad behavior to go unchecked because of our own anxiety and lack of assertiveness.

Whatever the case may be, the real secret to managing your jealousy is this:

Stop trying to manage your jealousy itself and get better at managing your reaction to it.

In other words, other than some validation and self-acceptance, there’s not much you can do about the emotion of jealousy. Where we do have real control is in the ways we act out our jealousy—either internally or behaviorally.

In addition to the steps we’ve already listed, one of the best ways to start reacting to jealousy in a healthier way is to get more clarity about our values.

Values are the principles we aspire to live out. Honesty, for example, is often a value for people, or courage.

When our values are clearly defined and present in our minds, they exert a kind of motivating pull on our behavior which helps us steer clear of impulsive and self-sabotaging behavior.

For example:

  • Suppose you’re feeling jealous because of something your spouse did.
  • Your initial instinct is to “get back at them” by making a sarcastic and biting comment.
  • Obviously, this probably won’t be very helpful in the long run—either in terms of your own jealousy or your relationship. But it’s an easy thing to get “pulled into.” It’s a mild form of self-sabotage.
  • On the other hand, suppose at the moment you start feeling jealous, you remind yourself of your value of straightforward communication with your spouse. And how, in the past, you’ve been able to clear up issues much more quickly and smoothly when you communicate honestly.
  • Well, that’s going to make it much more likely that you choose an adaptive and helpful response to your jealousy rather than an impulsive or instinctual one.

We all have values of course. The problem is that most of the time they’re not very clear. And when values aren’t clear and personally relevant, they don’t exert nearly as much motivating pull on our actions.

If you want to start responding to jealousy more constructively, one of the best things you can do is make time to get to know your values.

5. Take assertive action

The final helpful step you can take when you’re feeling jealous is to take assertive action.

Taking assertive action means you make decisions and act in a way that aligns with your values and what you think is right—regardless of how you happen to feel in the moment.

Here’s an example:

  • Suppose you’re at lunch with a friend and they begin telling you about a big sum of money they just inherited and all the exciting things they’re planning to do with it.
  • Very understandably, you notice yourself feeling jealous.
  • Now, most people in this situation implicitly judge themselves for feeling jealous (She’s my best friend… I shouldn’t feel jealous—I should be happy for her! What’s wrong with me?). And as a result, they try to avoid or suppress their jealousy and pretend they’re not jealous.
  • Unfortunately, avoiding your jealousy makes it more likely that it will come out eventually in undesirable ways—usually resentment or passive-aggressiveness.
  • On the other hand, you could reflect on how you aspire to react to your friend’s windfall and remind yourself that just because I feel jealous doesn’t mean I can’t also express my happiness for them.
  • So in this case, taking assertive action might mean that, after your lunch, but before you leave, you make a point to tell them in a very genuine way that you’re excited for them.

Wait a second? It wouldn’t be honest for me to say I’m excited for them when really I’m jealous, right?

Here’s the thing: You can feel jealous and excited at the same time. And in my experience, it’s almost never the case that people feel exclusively jealous about someone else’s good fortune.

So, when you tell them you’re excited for them, that’s not a denial of your jealousy; you’re simply giving voice to a smaller but still perfectly valid emotion in you as well.

The more general point is this:

If you want to stop reacting negatively to your jealousy, be intentional about how you do want to respond to it.

The first step of this is what we discussed in part 4 about clarifying your values. But once you’ve done that, you still need to act on them. And to do it in a way that’s honest and straightforward—in other words, to act assertively.

With practice, assertiveness is a skill we can all build and get better at. And when you do, it will make managing your jealousy effective much, much easier.

Summary & Conclusion

The key to managing jealousy in a healthy and effective way is to understand what it really is and how it works.

If you don’t take anything else away from this guide, remember these two key ideas:

  1. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad or that you’re bad for feeling it.
  2. Feeling jealous is different than acting on your jealousy. The key to managing jealousy well is to validate the feeling of jealousy and take control over your mental and behavioral response to jealousy.

Nick Wignall is a clinical psychologist and writer interested in practical psychology for meaningful personal growth. You can find more of his writing at NickWignall.com.

Image courtesy of cottonbro.

How to get fit as a dad

How to get fit as a dad

It can be hard to stay fit when you become a dad. Being a husband is hard. Being a father and a husband is harder. Trying to be a fit father and husband can feel almost impossible. The following blog is written from one father to another, in an attempt to help inspire all dads to make time to get fitter and healthier.

The “dad bod”

Being fit and healthy requires time, and trying to fit that in amongst work, wife and kids can be puzzling. Prioritizing your fitness requires you to bump something down the list. It requires a little bit of selfishness with a touch of salt. So, first thing you need to do is join the mile high club.

Mile high club

Prior to take off, airline emergency rules clearly state that in the case of an emergency, a parent should attend to themselves before attending to their child. This is imperative as one cannot help another, if they do not help themselves first. Being a dad should be the same. It is hard to help your children if you do not take care of yourself on a mental and physical level. Maintain your fitness levels, in order keep up with your children at the park, to help carry them when they fall down, and above all else, to help inspire them to get fit by watching you – their biggest idol.

But how can you make more time in the day to exercise? I call it the barter system.

Barter your time

Remember the old work/life balance phrase? Does it really work? Rather than try to balance your time, you could think of bartering your time. For 24 hours write down how many hours of the day are devoted to the things you do. Then step back and take a look at the hours you devote to work and life. You will realise that you cannot extend the day, but you can exchange time, via a barter system.

If you want an hour to exercise? Then you need to barter with yourself to exchange that hour for another hour. In my case, I didn’t want to barter my family time and upset the wife, so instead I bartered my sleep. I exchanged one hour of sleep for one hour of exercise, and it did not affect my family or work time. Have a good look at the 24 hours you spend per day, and I’m sure you will find an hour that you are willing to give up for an hour of exercise.

fit father

Every sweat counts

Once you have found your hour, you need to learn to squeeze every bit of sweat out of it. Think of earning sweat like earning money – be efficient. Get the most out of the hour you have. Walking for one hour may burn 250 calories. However, 45 minutes of high intensity training may burn 500 calories. Plus, every little extra bit of physical activity counts. Take the stairs instead of the lift. Carry a kid when walking for some extra weight. Remember that something is always better than nothing!

Time-efficient work out for dads

As much as everyone would love an hour to exercise, life itself can be gruelling, and having time just to relax and unwind can be just as important for your mental and physical state as exercise. But even trying to barter 20 minutes of exercise is enough if you are efficient with each minute. The following workout is a simple 20 minute high intensity workout that you can do from the comfort of your home.

20 minutes: 1 minute high intensity rounds followed by 30 second’s rest.

Air Squats – 3 x 1 minute (as many as you can do)
Alternating Lunges  – 3 x 1 minute (as many as you can do)
Push ups – 3 x 1 minute (as many as you can do)
Leg raises – 3 x 1 minute (as many as you can do)

The above workout is designed to burn as many calories as possible during the 20 minutes. However, how many calories you burn comes down to you. The more reps you do during each minute, the more calories you will burn. It is a full body workout aimed at utilising whole body movements and maximal muscle activation to help strengthen the body and burn calories.

Get your family involved

They say behind every great man, is a great woman. If you can make it a family goal to get fit and get the whole family on board, it can be easier. Share home duties with your wife, so you can both have time to exercise; let your kids watch you, rather than having them stare at technology. Lead by example, as staying fit and healthy can motivate your family in ways words never will. Don’t strive just to be a fit dad, strive to be a fit family, and flourish together.

If you need help getting started, chat to an accredited exercise professional. You can find one near you my clicking here.

Written by Constantine Trantis. Constantine is a father of two and Accredited Exercise Scientist

Balancing Introversion and the Need for Connection

XKK4UٝEm”h\|:CvV&;Ȟ0̒4Z,1lVR7C `x$
z2}i,t5q$Wly(ZIl0 1mRǶ(FR&53ȴy
evTf؞%5ws IL4fyv#to А?#KpW\;zl鼡~M~++ԟ:se~ة |ebk,m”�mώJ28�QӅ-2xuI:^fBߘ/Yn0h]M u2BךމmN@Md!+:3I0~DQ?!3Bp@HI]č|O p܎cEBhu,+osb*]G9]-MzMfpi(6e5L93L9׌} ރ@e@Gh/pe_%VQX3-]x 6U!8[SuX۸Oyt}vG3žC^(‘iDns0E.}
&_豛uO3A@:}gh4lOQ43A^l2;dZhviJwk@0敯.YՈBƒP#PYnK~UZ3^^`Qs犢’gkw7X:|0/ Os:WM”vBMSi^6#”|!$^_+h4
!]n
/ ?u(ڌT%ݦ1 }.sBh-䯸0KYª-i~aA~c&O12`~ڟjN;
ZQ?qWDtN2S
u” bΉ3U$r�z-X(0YJwgH1′ GeZfMidb
DiI C*v8\%vay@`~CVӕ[YҖ~aդ:s~#.HPl6 r3e8g\ɱ]ٛ�j;sp9;”2ssXǹ򲰟N:̏Uеĩ=3=Jbj5UuHUib2t(q#ߍ+�r4Ld͉6ږy+pHϐ}(E+Qem:gZuWp1|(q_ R6t!S{\h+IiGܼ{JrB’WԠJH,RÀWO6L*Qm*BKGRnt^/> s/
ڬnbQBݿ!:g:@^C\-c@/SA|�]d%#vB]kKuǧ904m4GjlCμ3կn}7ӵA.QMO؛
囜^{};vlo:R\iF᨜y?”‘I/N?p
6ȤT�mU0Qr;qhŐ’.CUt�GԦ+[.rS.ivަeNǎ_LJx`4IAU�{> +ScG^M]8جX@u@M~T/U6r9Q/I׭^eRYa8ay2,X*Cʫ?eX!L4Z,gu6’T&Ŭiɭer`:wG>lhLm=#ZO14Gww$d�j)ں9�cN؏?F٬ꂢ”K’vxZ}93ւ’c-c.S\^]-z>cXrQ.,Yili6KOFNf|
t`WSz ‘Lq”s2W�E p+”UasǓ~;Gɧgǜ~}Ezae_ZiM)G”b595\4#09Z^glTb ß~6//A^HcN5mʶUUok(!6X+.ouј’b@tXQ#M>oD߸e>
߬K=e.EҋKЧ_/寯wޤzKxw vGJ)c%3aV}Udd,a$dH.:I>’lsc%|YX56
X.a:AgN%qa\*Xi;h [~z!wD*(]6%
#%Uzʑ)qR2310wI^uqO55YQnDg9k{Kvf{R92’َ융@i3r[.bDq V�ǔ
{9F#CSsUZ*eYdkJ�r{BQc[󐁥UlZ/ί Љ*i-m0I(K @ͲyfRcuA=R
Z@گ!{c�jea\.pbz�lbyMU|GfXޮoWw1#_n|*?p-8b>fKv40d-ͯDfV6׫+ b|N|8QI
1u/?_wȽ�hrM&+b71,1A1?_TEʋHђ5qFEA?pX%;+|�kN0-4hmvL15|RVij8C^Td#Fv6fy>lB#w#$.jl&22%\׍^٨KWXP2XX=]�hC6e/ØX^/NIa/J2G!wT_)-eT/n/+9-`c”9CAȩ^U䖔Ce-6″X8;`GyeQ*0B(~’~!R:رK?riaиj\I?0t Rm-)tO&>fr0-OEHB0VԒSg@6NqItuਵJBtxpn60lRXGHJg^:-ZS1lKCФ޾;Bz, :أzˉ!F[#HT
][Zƅ/IDM,P2B#-]F)uT񔮹”G?OrVkEVMR0Yu8maQMO^ hʌo,XSajhIkB WdV2jJg�׺JP-Ld_Ox3u!|x`ғqF~ix;~:NdPhwm!~‡AF/s} R.}ٓef6 GuXZWOab@.BA^Oa,Jɀu0Gi?ܩi>(6’ͣBњe
.p
Asèk'(̿qg`=Z#UjໍGc:jߕb-wu{.1BU
2{D
}fv/l3[B`6ń’k”rj(ɩ|1QFg-~Р,s5″c’hKT~*j#tw*G)W^\]]ikWOOq|/TNTzVӬ ֚phur3К&@{twZyV+0VF/IvO̽NjP}4ut$13
zXP6,XAڲ,U#k~Qr(/Ł*G~F#NwOP9\f(}|C0d1z)RxEPϿJ~Ƞ*:sj͹8\+lA?2$fY,J2t=d’s\5CoV7AU>ɍ4̀@Nqlf $8?;
@Pqff꠆
zJyYCN*W!bW=F15l*s#4″[“V
;tmdat9#M ~O$ښZi7)5JfZφց[{‘3اS@ͻ
7thdQ2 \&>–>9_`j!ʷtX`9;sqBiP7Ha,aob,Sv \ Vԡut`*2k ۠8c|Ar`f,fN٭6uyUeT,q!6-^ÌsIpW2Qh&uӊl2?EYDG_v&ZTճ9Ǟ=s{N;Jc|S
T`MZi@>v#G9z~([]r0-/m]
K$A;_m’g̏bZ>:- 9V{De/NH’Hػ& qú;6
-䞡-{91H:C=Y&$[?Ĭ):D|_vHJ`6}”/Iubt/+aK%”v-SPH䓝`iŦnYðHQ;9mpy1W,
KL۔SYnOIAIQ^1K9Bm[ђ 8kgY[@RFZ{J5B`JT0J
AoRu-`5{*߿hZ֎
).ma[hiL?>.j2″^_|M/i:HO/\[tzH�BrPV:#X=+N!j}Z@b%;IIaPD=d{HQ’}
nJK-:jW,^5bIi;x͊
ՖHioI66 mӶE۫|
s`CQ^’ǹM2x”QKt/IJ
#֩4k,u(ГB_H
jJT/
7E %EXi|’Ğ^Hr62`tyh52J{jCY]1Qi蠆AL5$*IX^Ic.%NBM+”�I^ BM6oNG|.`”$4x*]iO=NQ*^#Wd4t*7#(XW4`;K”i
RI@̨eC޶suZbno䝧4LO+S?Rɛb!39dUS