Month: October 2021

When Food & Booze Are Your Favorite Vices


I love food. I can’t get enough of cooking meals for friends and family. I feel creative and skillful in the kitchen, and am in awe of the way new recipes can give you insight into different cultures without having to leave your own home (a bonus when you’re stuck inside for weeks on end…).

Cooking is an area of my life where I am adventurous and innovative and boldly take risks. I am proud of my skills and motivation. Great!

Not always. I also love to eat, and drink. I love dining out, I love amazing wine, I live for my morning coffee.

Food and booze are my favorite vices.

Let me explain.

I’ll get the sad part over with first: the truth is that I cannot trust my instincts when it comes to food and alcohol.

That’s the first thing that my HG coach woke me up to when we met.

My sneaky patterns around eating and drinking were outed in my first homework assignment.

Honestly, I didn’t think it was that bad. I mean, my weight had always fluctuated and I found it hard to say no to glass three, four, and five, but didn’t everyone?

Especially after the first two cocktails…

What my coach allowed me to see – with a spotlight held over it – was that food and booze had control over me.

I had been lying about eating and drinking and how far I would go to protect my bad habits since third grade (when my favorite after-school snack was tablespoons of Nutella straight from the jar eaten while hiding under the kitchen table).

There were also times I spent the money meant for the math tutor on McDonalds, because I needed that double cheeseburger…a meal to lift my spirits.

And let’s not forget frequently ordering enough takeout for two (“to have leftovers for lunch tomorrow”) but stuffing my face, slurping up every last noodle, before the delivery guy had even left the building.

For me, once the bottle was open, or I was one step inside the bakery, it was all over. My sugar-addict brat took over.

But I thought that since I felt sooooo bad after my bread binges and blackouts, wallowed in my guilt for 24-72 hours (easily done with a hangover, some edibles and new episodes of Great British Bake Off), I was paying the right price.

I mean, I was already following The Method via my husband. He had been working with a coach (to great effect) for a year. We only ate carbs and drank alcohol on the weekends if we were at our goal weight. We were in the best shape of our lives after each losing 50+ pounds and were successfully keeping it off.

The problem was that, because I wasn’t in The Method myself, I didn’t truly understand promises and consequences, so I was out of Personal Integrity.

Side note – my husband and his coach had been trying to bring me in for months. He had also secured a new job and doubled his salary through the work, so I knew it was powerful, but I resisted. My lie to get out of not wanting to go where I knew she would take me was that I wanted to respect his “thing.” What a, frankly, lazy cop out.

Anyway, when I (finally) met with her, I was a mess.

I had been out of work for months and was spinning on the spot, submitting half-assed applications for jobs I didn’t really want so that I wouldn’t be too upset when I never heard back (hi, chicken!), and using my favorite chores, cooking and laundry (yep, I love the old wash, dry, fold – see I’m not all bad), to fill my days, frequently “running out of time” to finish applications or “forgetting” to follow up with that contact.

How did I get out?

Among other things, I found a way to use my dark (food and drink) for light (realizing my dreams).

Here’s how it works.

  • I make a promise that both supports my schedule and is in alignment with my dreams.
  • Then, I set a consequence. An annoying one that is (usually) attached to one of my vices.

For example, I needed to get moving on writing this blog. So, I made a promise to write 500 words before 5pm on Tuesday.

If I didn’t get that done, I would lose my second coffee every day for the rest of the week. My word count was 554 by 4:46pm (when my mom called – bonus that I got to catch up with her because I was finished early).

Yesterday, I wanted to apply for a job I was well-qualified for at a company I admire. I could have easily put it off until the application window closed, diverting my attention to other tasks (one of my favorites is “organizing my inbox”) and letting the days slip away.

Instead, I made a promise to apply for that job AND follow up with a personal referral or introduction, and scheduled an hour for it in my calendar. If I didn’t get to it that day, I would lose one of my precious wines this weekend.

You see, I already have strict rules in those areas (I only allow two drinks per day, two days per weekend, and I only allow two cheat meals – with carbs – per weekend if I’m at my goal weight). So you can imagine how protective of them this snack queen is.

Other common consequences of mine are double workouts (one I’m paying this week for delivering a task late), and missing my next cheat meal/s. If it’s a major promise, I lose my entire cheat weekend (all food and drink).

Paying my consequences feels (almost) as productive as keeping my promises. I’m held accountable either way.

By managing my days (and my life) using promises and consequences I am more fulfilled, motivated, and excited than ever before. Even mid-pandemic I feel powerful and proud, because I’m building my Personal Integrity and taking actions to realize my dreams.

I have been doing a ton of spiritual exploration and self-development work in the past 18 months and I can promise you that The Handel Method has absolutely been the most powerful in practice. That, and regular meditation.

To be completely honest though, I’d be struggling to maintain my meditation practice without The Handel Method – I have an ongoing promise to meditate twice daily. If I don’t, I skip wines.

If you want to take control of your life, do this. Don’t listen to the chicken in your head. There could not possibly be a better time to start.

Love,

Marnie & Lou

P.S. Inner.U LIFE is a 12 session online course that gives you the tools to hack into your own life, hone your dreams, and have every last thing you want in the areas that matter most to you: CAREER, MONEY, LOVE, TIME, FAMILY, and HEALTH. Do this life thing better from wherever, whenever.


Marnie Nir is Senior Vice President & Chief Content Officer and Expert Life Coach with Handel Group. She finally returned from Florida (a period in her life she likes to refer to as “witness protection”) to her home state of New York, but has shuffled around from New York to California and back again throughout her life. Marnie’s professional and personal life have come full-circle as well. A student of Slavic Language and Literature at UCLA, Marnie graduated with a BA and an understanding of Russian Literature as “purification through suffering”. Years later, after several jobs in publicity and production, most notably for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle live tour (can’t make this stuff up), she began to see that, at least in her own life, suffering was not mandatory.  After marrying and giving birth to her first child, Marnie started coaching with her sister, Lauren Zander, creating the dream of who she wanted to be as not-her-mother. However, her work with Lauren took everything in her life to a much deeper level. More than a decade later, she is now an empty nester of two, co-author with Lauren Zander of Maybe It’s You, SVP of Chief Content Officer, and an Expert Life Coach in The Handel Method. She has also continued her creative work, namely as co-creator of the animated series Mother Up!, which aired 13 episodes on Hulu and starred Eva Longoria, serving as an expert at Campowerment, blogging for the Huffington Post, as well as writing her own blog (The Sour MILF).

Image courtesy of Rachel Claire.

Just Be Alive


More than two-thirds of the Earth is covered in saltwater; about 3% of all land is occupied by humans; 70% of Earth’s fresh surface-water is frozen in the Antarctica; there’s an ocean of fresh water larger than all the oceans of the world combined that sits two hundred miles below the surface of the Earth, and over 7 billion people are currently contributing greatly to the collapsing this global ecosystem. Now is the time to develop respect for the grandeur of all nature; to let the natural purpose take precedence over human nature; to follow inspiration and enthusiasm as a guide in life, and build the future with these powerful emotions. Inspirational and enthusiastic emotions are tools of higher alignment… aligning microcosms with macrocosms.

This is the wise use of the emotional body.

But so often in this world, dominated by logic, the concept of emotions is not considered constructive… a non-emotional response is believed more appropriate. However, the non-emotional responses are in fact the problem. They’re the most powerful emotions one can fall into — it’s the emotion of blockage — it stores the charges that erupt in random moments without real application or purpose… just a violent discharge. This is the current state of human nature, the constant random discharging of the emotional body which produces false positives; leading to erroneous protocols; producing unintended consequences called side-effects. This is what has led to our common human absurdities: violence to find peace; scarcity to create demand, and conspiracy for the intent of confusion… all in the nature of today’s human nature that’s collapsing its host-system… the only creature within nature that’s completely unnatural.

Our prayer is that you take on the grand and lonely task of being an absolute outlier — a master of inspiration and enthusiasm, and other emotional orientations that shed human nature for the sake of all nature . . . don’t earn a living, just be alive.


Guru Singh is a world-renowned yoga instructor, author, musician, and family man. Guru Singh works with the Dalai Lama, teaches with Tony Robbins, and has recorded an album with Grammy® Award-winning artist Seal. He can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.

Check out Guru Singh’s most recent book: Buried Treasures: The Journey From Where You Are to Who You Are.

Image courtesy of Vlada Karpovich.

48 Stress Quotes to Help You Become Calm

Stress Quotes

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Do you wish to relieve your stress and anxiety? Read the following stress quotes.

These quotes speak about the futility of stress, its adverse effects, and about overcoming stress.

Do you know someone going through a period of stress? Tell them to read the quotes on this page.

Reading the quotes, thinking about them, and trying to apply their wisdom, would help you and others to calm down and release at least some of the stress.

Quotes about Stress and Releasing It

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” – George Burns

“Doing something that is productive is a great way to alleviate emotional stress. Get your mind doing something that is productive.” – Ziggy Marley

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz

“All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.’”Eckhart Tolle

“You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.” – Tim Allen

“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

“Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.” – Brian Tracy

“Stress is like spice – in the right proportion, it enhances the flavour of a dish. Too little produces a bland, dull meal; too much may choke you.” – Donald Tubesing

No matter where you are or what you are doing, always choose happiness and tranquility over stress and tension. – Remez SassonClick to Tweet

“Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others.” – Paulo Coelho

“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Related: 45 Amazing Inner Peace Quotes that Will Calm Your Mind

“You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – Mother Teresa

“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” – Jill Bolte Taylor

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“I enjoy an evening stroll. It helps me to reflect and eases stress.” – Blac Chyna

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” – James Allen

“Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds.” – Dan Millman

“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” – Fred Rogers

Stress Quotes Teaching How to Stay Calm

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“My key to dealing with stress is simple: just stay cool and stay focused.” – Ashton Eaton

“The key to winning is poise under stress.” – Paul Brown

“I can only say, don’t be a victim of stress and distress. Just go out in the world and strive what you want to become.” – Sudha Chandran

“Stress is a time wasting activity. It does not do you anything good.” – Remez Sasson

“I believe dancing is the best stress reliever.” – Dylan Lauren

“Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.” – William James

“If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, worrying will do you no good.”Buddha

“Smiling can be infectious in a workplace to help reduce stress, to help teamwork, to defuse high-pressure situations. The more you smile, the more people will smile back.” – Byron Pulsifer

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” – Maya Angelou

“Remember that stress doesn’t come from what’s going on in your life. It comes from your thoughts about what’s going on in your life.” – Andrew Bernstein

“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“When you feel overwhelmed, start eliminating all the non-essential things from your life. Clarity brings calm.” – Darius Foroux

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.” – Albert Einstein

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Discover How to Enjoy Inner Peace in Daily Life

A guide to mental and emotional calmness, and stress-free life.
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Quotes for Becoming Stress Free

“Enjoy what you are doing here and now.” – Remez Sasson

“When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” – Buddha

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”Confucius

“Trying to be a perfectionist brings increased stress and hinders performance.” – T.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James

“Gratitude can reduce your stress and anxiety.” – Bree Miller

“Laughter helps bring balance to a stressful situation.” – Kala Stevenson

“There are thousands of causes for stress, and one antidote to stress is self-expression. That’s what happens to me every day. My thoughts get off my chest, down my sleeves and onto my pad.” – Garson Kanin

“Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.” – Robert Eliot

“Give your stress wings and let if fly away.” – Terri Guillemets

“Whenever you feel tension mounting up, just smile: you will break the force of tension.” – Dada J. P. Vaswani

“Make others laugh by laughing at yourself. This is the best way to de-stress.” – Tapan Ghosh

“The day she let go of the things that were weighing her down, was the day she began to shine the brightest.” – Katrina Mayer

“Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they’ve started.” – David Allen

Tranquility and inner peace are the opposite of strain, pressure and tension. Too much strain and attention create impatience and health problems.

You can relieve yourself of unnecessary stress, tension and a feeling of burden. There are simple ways to do so, all explained clearly in the books:
Inner Peace in the Busy Daily Life
Emotional Detachment for Happier Life

These books, which you can download immediately, are available here, on this website.

Stress Quotes

Quotes Directory >> Stress Quotes

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Discover How to Enjoy Inner Peace in Daily Life

A guide to mental and emotional calmness, and stress-free life.
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When Kids Won’t Cooperate: Give Choices


Giving choices may be the single most useful tool parents have for managing life with young children. It really is almost a magic wand, at least until children are about five. And even into the teen years, choices help children learn to manage themselves.

“Do you want to go to bed now or in five minutes? Five minutes? Ok, do we have an agreement that in five minutes you’ll go to bed no matter what?”

Why does this little trick work so effectively? Because it’s a win-win solution. You’re offering only choices that are okay with you, so you’re happy. She gets to pick one that’s okay with her, so she’s happy. You sidestep the power struggle, because you aren’t making her do something; she is choosing. The child is in charge, within your parameters. No one likes to be forced to do something. Here, because she chooses, she cooperates.

So how do you use this magic wand?

1. Give limited choices.

Make them as palatable as possible to the child, but eliminate any options that are unacceptable to you.

2. For young children or any child who is easily overwhelmed, an either/or choice works best.

“We have to leave now. Do you want to put on your shoes yourself or do you want me to put them on for you?”

3. As children get older, choices can get more complicated.

“You can quit soccer if you want, but what sport or physical activity do you think you’d like to try? You need to choose one physical activity.”

4. Choices can be used to help kids learn to manage themselves.

“As soon as your homework is done, I’ll help you carve that pumpkin. Your choice, but I know you want to start on the pumpkin as soon as we can.” He has the choice to procrastinate on his homework, but you’re helping him motivate himself to tackle it now.

5. Choices can teach children consequences.

“You know your piano recital is coming up. Extra practice will help you feel more confident, but that’s your choice.” Don’t offer choices you can’t live with, of course. If you aren’t willing to let her make a fool of herself at the recital, you may need to help her structure her practice effectively.

6. Remember that empathy doubles the effectiveness of giving choices.

Empathy helps the child feel understood, so he’s less upset, and less resistant. That means he’s more likely to actually be able to make a choice and move on.

You might think of giving choices as Parenting Aikido. Instead of meeting your child’s resistance with force — which creates a power struggle, and, ultimately, a more resistant child — you affirm his right to some control, but within the bounds you set. The result: A happier, more cooperative child, who knows you’re on his side.


Dr. Laura Markham, founder of AhaParenting.com and author of The Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life.

Image courtesy of Ketut Subiyanto.

Real Men Feel


Let me tell you something you don’t know.

Men struggle.

That’s right. We struggle with stress at work, with our relationships, with our self-confidence and self-esteem, even with our mental health.

Every single day, men everywhere are putting on a mask and pretending they’re ok

Laughing, joking, being strong and dependable, while inside they are hurting, perhaps even despairing, and struggling to cope. And you didn’t even realise it.

Wait, what do you mean you knew? Who told you?!?

And why didn’t you tell us???

It’s ridiculous isn’t it? Of course you knew. We all know that men struggle, because, well, because we’re human. Because we’re alive and life isn’t easy. Yet still so many of us don’t feel we can admit to our struggles.

No, we have to carry our burdens ourselves, force down our ‘feelings’ (ugh, feelings, men don’t do them, right…??? I think you know the answer to that one as well…). We have to carry on as normal, get on with it, ‘be a man’. We can’t be weak.

Well I’m calling it our for what it is. Utter b….. I’ll let you fill in the blank.

I know from the many years I worked in boxing, that even the toughest among us struggle. I know how it feels to be at your lowest having been consumed by depression, and I know just how hard it is to face each day with its crushing weight upon you. I know just how much strength it takes to overcome our struggles.

And I know that we can pick ourselves up and not only survive, but thrive BECAUSE OF our struggles.

I also know just how important it is to be able to admit that we are struggling, and to ask for help. None of us wants to carry our burdens alone, keep our pain locked inside, eating away at us. But so many of us feel we have to.

It has to change.

We need to feel heard, understood, cared for and supported. We need to feel we’re not alone; that we’re not weak, mad, or less of a man. We need to know that struggling is normal, that we can get through it, and that we don’t have to struggle on our own.

I’m speaking up. It’s time to get real.

And I’m not just speaking to the men, I’m talking to the women too.

You know how it can be hard to get men to listen sometimes can’t it? Hard to get them to pay attention. Hard to get them to get help. Hell, it’s hard enough to get them to accept that they might, just might, need it.

We all struggle sometimes, but seeking help? Nah.

‘I’m alright’

‘I don’t need help’

‘I’ll beat it on my own’

And if and when us men do finally pluck up the courage to admit we’re struggling, when we do finally seek help, it’s often due to the urging of the women in our life (and here I should say, thanks Mam, for making me go to see the doctor after months of struggling back in 2006).

It can be hard for us fellas. We’re not supposed to show ‘weakness’. We’re meant to be the strong ones, we’re meant to be there for you. We’re not supposed to cry; it’s our shoulders that are for made for crying on, not yours.

So we pretend everything is okay. Some of us get bloody good at it. But really, it doesn’t do us any favours. And it can be hard to fool you for long. You know. But what can you do about it?

If you are a man who’s struggling, or if you are a woman that’s worried about a man in your life – a son, brother, husband, friend, colleague – then I have created something to help.

Because when we know we’re not alone, when we know someone else ‘gets it’, when we know that we won’t be judged or laughed at or considered to be weak or mad, then the weight we carry can begin to be lifted. We can talk, and we can face how we feel.

Real men feel.

So I am talking about why it’s so difficult for men to open up and seek help, about my own experiences of depression and what helped me through it. About the importance of the stories that we tell ourselves about who we are, and that change is always possible.

We can do this.

Click the link to get access to my Real Men Feel video series now.

Take care, Matthew.


Matthew Williams is an author, speaker and coach. He lives in the North East of England with his two young children. After overcoming a series of life-changing plot twists he is passionate about positive change, and turning life’s challenges into lessons for creating a better future. His book, Something Changed: Stumbling Through Divorce, Dating and Depression, is available now in eBook and paperback versions, from Amazon. He has also developed the unique online personal development programme, Change, which uses the power of your personal story to help you to create the life you love. For more information please visit change.afamiliarstranger.co.uk.

Image courtesy of Alex Green.

Listen Again: Life Stages Of The Brain (10.8.2021)

Original broadcast date: March 5, 2021. In each stage of life, our brains morph and change. This hour, TED speakers explore pivotal chapters where the brain can either flourish or decline – and what control we might have over brain health. Guests include neuroscientists Kimberly Noble, Adriana Galván, Sandrine Thuret, and Lisa Mosconi.

Creative Visualization vs Affirmations – What’s the Difference?

Creative Visualization vs Affirmations

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You are probably familiar with the two manifestation techniques, creative visualization and affirmations.

If you have been using them you already know the similarities and differences between them. If you are not familiar with them, this article will hopefully make it clear.

Both creative visualization and affirmations are techniques for making positive changes in your life, for attracting success, and for helping you achieve goals and dreams.

A Few Words about Creative Visualization

Creative visualization uses mental images and mental scenarios. You visualize in your imagination the goal you want to achieve or the change you want to make.

Focusing on these mental images and believing that they are true, or in the process of becoming real, triggers the subconscious mind into action. This will make you aware of opportunities, and spur you to take action to make your dream come true.

Manifest and Achieve

Make Your Dreams Come True with the Law of Attraction

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Visualization will also trigger the law of attraction into action, to manifest the things you want.

Of course, there are several mental rules to follow in order to make creative visualization work. Just imagining a certain event or something you want to get or accomplish is not going to bring it into your life. Mere daydreaming is not enough.

Everyone daydreams, but to make daydreams come true you need to know and employ certain techniques, including the law of attraction and manifestation.

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A Few Words about Affirmations

This techniques uses words and positive statements about what you want to achieve, instead of mental images. People, who find it difficult to visualize clear mental images, might find affirmations easier to use.

To use affirmations, or positive declarations, you repeat the affirmation often, and in this way, you engrave it on your subconscious mind, which in turn, motivates you and pushes you to achieve what you are affirming.

Affirmations also, like creative visualization, trigger the law of attraction into action.

As you see, both techniques have the same goal, making positive changes in your life and setting the law of attraction into action. One uses mental images and the other one words.

Using Both Techniques Together

The truth is that when you use creative visualization you also instinctively use words to assure you of the reality of what you are visualizing, which means the that you are using affirmations.

While affirming you instinctively also visualize your goal.

As you see, creative visualization and affirmations complement one another and have the same goal.

When using one of the techniques, unconsciously, you are using the other one too. For best and faster results, you can use them both consciously.

Let me give you an example.

Suppose you want to have a vacation abroad. You create in your mind a mental scene, in which you see yourself traveling to the country of your choice, and enjoying a nice vacation there.

You create a clear mental image in your mind, in which you see yourself enjoying a wonderful vacation in the country of your choice.

This is the creative visualization part, where you use your imagination.

At the same time, or at different times of the day, if that’s more convenient, repeat a positive affirmation, such as, “I am having a wonderful vacation at…”. Repeat these words attentively and with the conviction that they are true.

The combined action of both creative visualization and affirmations, increases the power that sets the law of attraction in to action.

Of course, you will speed up things if you also take action to bring your goal into reality, instant of just wait passively for it to happen.

Which technique will bring faster results? Well, this is difficult to tell, since this depends on many factors, on the goal you choose to achieve, on the strength of your desire, and how correctly you use the technique.

For some people visualization will be easier to use, and for others, affirmations.

Will the techniques work? Most of the time they will, provided your ambition is strong, you persevere with your actions, and you follow certain simple, but most important mental rules.

What to do next? Try both techniques to see how they work, and then decide which is more suitable for you. Of course, using them both, ensures better and faster results.

How long will it take to see results? There is no definite answer. It can be quite fast, or take some time, days, weeks and even years, if the the goal is a big one. That’s why it is recommended to start with small, simple goals, which are within immediate rich.

Starting with small goals will give you experience and confidence, because they take shorter time to accomplish.

You can find all the mental rules, and full guidance, in my books about these topics – Manifest and Achieve Whatever You Want, and Affirmations – Words with Power.

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