What is all the hype about mindfulness and being present when it comes to manifesting love?
We are constantly hearing all about being present, but why is it such a critical aspect to manifesting love? The simple answer is, if you’re not here, how will love know where to find you? The more extensive and more profound answer is in the rest of this article.
Young children are present; they only think about the moment they are in. They don’t have enough history of residing in the past and enjoy the moment so much that they don’t have any anxiety about the future. Their job is to play, eat and sleep. And most importantly, to be loved, so if they can do it, why can’t we? We absolutely can, but we have spent soo much time residing in the past and the future that it just takes some practice. As I said, children don’t have the history, the hurt, the trauma, and the happy memories to hold onto from the past, and they don’t know what genuine anxiety about the future is yet, so all they know is how to be present.
Most humans walk around thinking about their past and future in micro and macro ways. You might spend your whole day at work thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner, and then the next day, you might spend your entire day thinking about how yesterday you hated how that fight happened with your boyfriend.
Another example: Macro this time.
You spend years ruminating over your relationship that ended a decade ago, blaming yourself for its demise and wishing that things could’ve worked out because if they had, then for sure, you’d be happy today. Or you fear that you won’t find your person so you spend all day every day in fear-mode and future-land.
We, as humans, think that we know best. We spend so much time in the past and the future because we believe that we can control the outcome and make life precisely the way we want it to be, but what I’ve learned, is that when we can let go and trust that the way that life IS, is the way it’s supposed to be – we have surrendered, and we end the suffering. It’s how we arrive at the place of allowing versus resistance to life.
Being present in life is not something that happens overnight- ohhhh no – NOT AT ALL, but I promise you that if you never start, you’ll never get there. Spirit meets us at our point of action, so we must take action- start small – take it one day at a time. The Universe will reward you, I promise. The Universe doesn’t respond to chaos—it responds to you when you are feeling grounded, present, and at peace. You living in the past or the future is simply a waste of time.
Your “person” is already out there- somewhere just waiting to meet you, but if you’re stuck in the past, energetically, there is no room for them to come in. Think about your heart for a second. That heart that is so f’ing precious and deserves the world. That heart, if it’s focused on your past, it tells The Universe that you are closed for business. When you are stuck in the past and your heart is filled up with what could have been, there is no room for what is waiting for you. Be present. Be here now. Your suffering will subside. You have the choice. Do you want to stay in the past and suffer, or do you want to free yourself, open your heart, and make room for all that is to come?
When you’re on a date, and you are physically there, but mentally you are in the past or the future, your date will be able to pick up on that— there’s no way that your date can get to know you or you to know them if you aren’t “there.” What’s the point of being somewhere if you’re not going to BE there? Cultivate and focus on the importance of meaning and purpose in all that you do. Be intentional- don’t just float through life aimlessly- when you go on a date- go because you want to be there because you want to be present and open to love. Spare yourself and your date the waste of time if your heart isn’t in it. You know how it feels to be on the other side.
My clients come in and wonder why the date didn’t work out.
I ask, “Were you thinking of ‘Alex’ while you were on your date?”
Client: “No! O.k., I guess, maybe!?”
Me: “Were you comparing him to Alex???”
Client: “No! Well, maybe…. ”
Me: “Were you able to show up as your authentic self and show Trent who you truly are because you were present?”
Client: “No, I guess not.”
Me: “Then you didn’t give this relationship a chance to even get off of the ground.”
Client: “I hate when you’re right- ha!”
If you’re ready for love, I recommend incorporating the following five simple tips for cultivating mindfulness so you never have to look back and wish that you could’ve learned how to be present. Instead, a few months or years from now, you will be sitting with your love at dinner, toasting to your anniversary and speaking from your heart about how grateful you feel that you met each other.
#1 Get comfortable with the unknown
We get so caught up in future worries because we want all of the answers to our problems right now. We feel the stress that comes with the “not knowing” and let it get to us, leading to self-criticism and self-doubt. The less you strain to find the answers, the more likely they will come to you and the more empowered, centered, and grounded you will feel.
#2 Feel your feelings
You can’t get past something until you go through it! I want you to acknowledge anything that is coming up for you and allow your feelings to flow. Our feelings remind us that we are here in the moment, and as you’ve learned, you must be in the moment to manifest love. Let go of the mentality that you shouldn’t have certain feelings and you need to be positive all of the time. Just let yourself feel whatever and whenever as your feelings pop up.
#3 Be accountable to yourself to practice mindfulness
Pick something that works for you; whether it’s journal writing, yoga, meditation, or walking, it’s essential to carve out time in your day to be present intentionally. Just like any other muscle, mindfulness is something that takes patience and dedication, so it’s crucial to practice it daily.
#4 Be. Here. Now
As you go through your day, to get yourself out of your head, I want you to start to practice acknowledging what is happening at the exact moment. If you are brushing your teeth, think to yourself, “I am brushing my teeth right now.” Feel how the bristles of your toothbrush feel on your gums. When you’re brushing your hair, do the same practice. Ask yourself questions like: What do I hear? What is around me? Where am I? Who is around? How am I feeling? You might feel silly when you start doing this, but if your goal is to manifest love, it’s all part of your journey. Being. Here. Now. is beyond beneficial to the whole process.
#5 Unplug from social media
Focusing on social media takes you away from the present moment, especially if you are looking back at your own pictures or you are looking at your ex’s pictures and videos. Or maybe, you are looking at someone’s account to which you are comparing yourself, which makes you feel down on yourself and bad about where you’re in life. Find things to do instead of social media like exercising, reading a book, going for dinner with a friend. Whatever it is, it will keep you from ruminating or future-thinking and agonizing. In other words, it will keep you from suffering and bring you back to the moment at hand, which is all that matters anyway.
I hope you feel encouraged and inspired to go forward with your dating journey and find that person who can’t wait to meet you too! Remember to be in the moment because being anywhere else than where you are, does you no good and only harms you. Trust that everything that has happened before now has happened for a reason, and everything that will continue to happen will be divinely timed and perfect just the way it is. Remember to allow life – to accept life and not be in resistance, all in service of you finding the “person” who came to this earth to be with you and you with them.
Jaime Bronstein is a relationship therapist, coach and host of “Love Talk Live” on LA Talk Radio. She was named the “#1 Relationship Coach Transforming Lives in 2020” by Yahoo Finance. For the past 20 years, Jaime has been teaching her clients how to heal their past, love themselves unconditionally, how to be vulnerable, tap into their inner strengths and intuition, and live more authentically to achieve their relationship goals. Jaime is highly sought-after to share her relationship advice on various media outlets such as KTLA, ABC, NBC and CBS News, PEOPLE, Thrive Global, and Bustle. Jaime empowers her clients to become aware of the fact that they were born to have love in their lives – not just any love – the right love for them. Jaime has a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Boston University, a master’s degree in social work from New York University, and a certificate in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. Jaime’s book on manifesting love is currently in the works. Find her online at www.therelationshipexpert.com and catch her on-camera radio show. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. To check out some of Jaime’s work, click on her sizzle reel link: https://vimeo.com/371954437.