We’ve been completely backwards around sex.
We got sex all wrong. Big time. We’ve collectively made a mess of the most powerful and sacred energy known to mankind; our sexual energy. We collectively view sex as this shameful, guilt ridden thing that we need to control. We tell ourselves that our sexual desires are to be largely repressed. We subconsciously view sex as a dirty thing. This couldn’t be any further from the truth. Sex is one of the most beautiful and powerful forces on the face of this Earth. Sex brings us to the creative force of the Universe. Sex is creation. Sex is an act of enlightenment. Sex is sacred. We don’t need to feel guilty. We don’t need to feel shame. We don’t need to hide or repress our sexual desires. We should in fact embrace them. They are a natural and beautiful part of life.
Sex and Spirituality: How they’re linked.
The age old teaching of Tantra teaches us that sex is sacred and we should enjoy every desire and sensation we crave, so long as we don’t harm ourselves or anyone in the process. This approach to sex brings us inner peace and joy as we embrace a powerful and repressed part of our collective identity. We’ve been largely trained by our schools, religious organization, parents and peers that we should shut our sexual persona away. We should treat it as an extremely hush hush part of our personalities that are better kept swept under the rug. Most sexual acts are considered taboo and not be spoken of only under special circumstances. I’m not quite sure what large number of factors led to this misconception around sex, but this treatment of one of the most powerful and beautiful acts two or more human beings can partake in, has been harming our health as sexual beings. The phrase sex sells is powerful and true for a reason. Sexual energy is extremely potent and is a driving factor for a large amount of human actions.
Is there any guilt? Is there shame? Is sex a dirty thing to you? Is sex an uplifting act?
In order to start your healing journey with your sexual life, it’s good to start with an inquiry on the current state of your sexual life. Anything related to our sexuality can be highly sensitive and emotionally charged, so please practice lots of self compassion during your inquiries. You can start by analyzing the state of your past and current sex lives. You can explore what emotions you associate with sex. Is there any guilt? Is there shame? Is sex a dirty thing to you? Is sex an uplifting act? Are you happy with your sexual life? Release any guilt or any shame that may come up for you and as I said before, be compassionate. You are unpacking years and years of conditioning. It most likely won’t be an easy thing to deal with.
How to Unravel Your Sexual Desires
Next, you’ll want to express your true sexual desires. You can start with masturbation and fantasizing. Let your body take the lead and hold space for yourself to be free. The sex life you have with yourself is representative of the sex life you’ll have with another. Take some time to restructure what you’ve learnt around sex with yourself. Allow yourself to express yourself sexually without guilt or shame. Embrace your sexuality. It is beautiful. Continue your experimentation. You can experiment safely with yourself or with partners to unpack all the layers and find out what you really desire. Sexual desire is a complicated thing with many psychological layers.
Taking the time and effort to explore our sexual desires to make sure they provide us with inner peace and joy may prove to be a worthy exercise.
The Energetic Power of Sex
It’s not too late and it’s absolutely worth it to get control over our sexual lives. Our sexual expression is absolutely instrumental to our connection to the divine, our expression of our creativity and personal power and our overall vitality and lust for life. Sexually satisfied human beings glow. They’re connected. Find whatever works for you and be happy, fulfilled and express your sexuality. Our sexual energy moves all the way up our body providing us with an energetic cleanse that reduces stress and anxiety and increases creativity and vitality. However we choose to express our sexuality, it is a good way to feel connected to ourselves and to express love. To be physically, spiritually, emotionally and energetically connected to another human being can be a spiritual dance around the cosmos we can take without ever leaving our bodies.
We can meet the creative force of the Universe. We can feel our connection to life. We can meet ourselves at our most vulnerable and authentic self. It doesn’t matter where you are on your journey to express your sexuality. Embrace it all as you discover yourself. Safe self exploration, conscious casual sex, freedom from guilty and shame and compassion for the self are great tools one can use on their quest for sexual freedom.
Charles Heinrich Bukowski, the German-American writer who got his big break in the 60s wrote a letter to his publisher about how he truly felt when he got the opportunity to leave his blue collar job.
He had spent nearly 50 years of his life as a slave to the matrix, but he made a gigantic leap which granted him safe passage to the other world through his publisher John, who catapulted him into a life he wanted.
Bukowski became massively popular for his poetic realism. He spoke on matters the average person seemed to deny existed and made melancholy and sadness relatable. His work has helped to heal the divide between light and dark inside us all. Through Bukowski, we realize it’s ok to feel shitty. In this piece however, I won’t be focusing on any of his artistic pieces, but on the letter he wrote to his publisher John.
Bukowski’s letter is arguably more relevant today than it was 30 years ago. Humanity has been plagued with the 9-5 blue collar sickness for years. We’re forced to make our way to cubicles, mines, convenience stores, gas stations, supermarkets, fast food joints, slaughter houses and this list goes on and on, for 40 hours or more a week. What’s our reward? We get just enough compensation to have a little fun and keep the cycle going again to buy shit we don’t really need to fill the voids we created by having to do soulless work.
We weren’t meant to live this way. This style of living is cancerous to the human spirit and is responsible for a large amount of ailments that humanity suffers from as a collective. His words ring true even today, but we are a turning point in our history. The soul of humanity has had enough. The soul of humanity is beginning to truly blossom against the tyranny of the world which seeks to enslave it. It will have no more. As it relates to Bukowski’s letter, I wanted to use my passion and my clever ways of bringing situations to life through words to paint a picture of what was said in the letter but I decided against it. To be honest, my words couldn’t do it justice. You have to read it for yourself.
December 8th 1986
Thanks for the good letter. I don’t think it hurts, sometimes, to remember where you came from. You know the places where I came from. Even the people who try to write about that or make films about it, they don’t get it right. They call it “9 to 5.” It’s never 9 to 5, there’s no free lunch break at those places, in fact, at many of them in order to keep your job you don’t take lunch. Then there’s OVERTIME and the books never seem to get the overtime right and if you complain about that, there’s another sucker to take your place. You know my old saying, “Slavery was never abolished, it was only extended to include all the colors.”
And what hurts is the steadily diminishing humanity of those fighting to hold jobs they don’t want but fear the alternative worse. People simply empty out. They are bodies with fearful and obedient minds. The color leaves the eye. The voice becomes ugly. And the body. The hair. The fingernails. The shoes. Everything does.
As a young man I could not believe that people could give their lives over to those conditions. As an old man, I still can’t believe it. What do they do it for? Sex? TV? An automobile on monthly payments? Or children? Children who are just going to do the same things that they did? Early on, when I was quite young and going from job to job I was foolish enough to sometimes speak to my fellow workers: “Hey, the boss can come in here at any moment and lay all of us off, just like that, don’t you realize that?”
They would just look at me. I was posing something that they didn’t want to enter their minds. Now in industry, there are vast layoffs (steel mills dead, technical changes in other factors of the work place). They are layed off by the hundreds of thousands and their faces are stunned:
“I put in 35 years…”
“It ain’t right…”
“I don’t know what to do…”
They never pay the slaves enough so they can get free, just enough so they can stay alive and come back to work. I could see all this. Why couldn’t they? I figured the park bench was just as good or being a barfly was just as good. Why not get there first before they put me there? Why wait?
I just wrote in disgust against it all, it was a relief to get the shit out of my system. And now that I’m here, a so-called professional writer, after giving the first 50 years away, I’ve found out that there are other disgusts beyond the system. I remember once, working as a packer in this lighting fixture company, one of the packers suddenly said: “I’ll never be free!”
One of the bosses was walking by (his name was Morrie) and he let out this delicious cackle of a laugh, enjoying the fact that this fellow was trapped for life.
So, the luck I finally had in getting out of those places, no matter how long it took, has given me a kind of joy, the jolly joy of the miracle. I now write from an old mind and an old body, long beyond the time when most men would ever think of continuing such a thing, but since I started so late I owe it to myself to continue, and when the words begin to falter and I must be helped up stairways and I can no longer tell a bluebird from a paperclip, I still feel that something in me is going to remember (no matter how far I’m gone) how I’ve come through the murder and the mess and the moil, to at least a generous way to die.
To not to have entirely wasted one’s life seems to be a worthy accomplishment, if only for myself.
Thanks for reading.
From prehistoric cave art to today’s social media feeds, to design is to be human. This hour, designer Debbie Millman guides us through a world made and remade—and helps us design our own paths.